Todae i felt so sick and fucked up i dunno why . Maybe is becoz of my body ba , i have nt been feeling well the pass two days le . I didnt understand wad happen to my body until jus nw den i know . I might have a high percentage of having TUBERCULOSIS in short its TB , in chinese its FEI YAN , in simple english its LUNG INFECTION . Nw i finally understands why morning i felt so weak and restless and even sick . Early morning i whole body no energy , next felt slight discomfort which seems to me like slight fever den my ear starts to felt pain , headache and even no energy . All these may sound like its jus a normal sign of normal fever but its also the synthoms of TB .

The walk through of my day .

This morning i woke up wif very restless sign , felt so weak and cold . So i suspected i had fever so i took one pill of panadol . And it worked ! After tat i went skl but before tat of coz i smoked (: hahs .. In skl i suddenly lost my voice , i couldnt talked . My voice was lost , but after another 4 panadols and 4 hours of silence and rest my voice came back . I tot i was alright den , BUT ACTUALLY I WAS NT .........

After skl as usual i went to smoke , met up wif nicolina trying traunt daphne , everything goes well , but rite after i met xuan and went back i felt all weak and tired . So i slept in da taxi , when i reached my destination the taxi driver didnt even wake me up and still let the metre run . Tat was defenately fustrating . Den met dylan , gavin and went tuition . After tuition we had dinner tgt , at tat moment i felt much discomfort and also felt like vomiting .

Hence , i went home took a shower , den i realise and recall my teacher told me tat the synthoms of the TB had , was wad mostly i had felt through out the day ... Wads happening to me i thought , though i read the newspaper and it sae tat TB i spreeding out agn but i wont be so suey kena rite ? Even if i realli kena it would realli be a wish come true , coz after tat break up , my heart totally weaken . 1st is her , nw is another her , maybe this is the end tat i had been wishing for ... Although i had thought of dying on my b'dae but maybe soonner would be btr coz i realli cant take it anymore . Though i have been smiling for years and tot tat by smiling would be a good way to solve all the worries , unhappiness , colts in my brain but nt . Nw i realise tat when ppl sae look on the bright side of life doesnt always work . When i realise all this rite nw i dun think thr's anymore chance for me to turn back and stop smiling .

Smiling maybe a good way to tell yrself tat everythings alrite but , actually its nt . Maybe no1 will listen to this be i can tell u even if i have been living in my own world this whole time , smiling all the time doesnt change de fact tat u yrself is trouble free . Wad ppl sae might influence u , but the decision is ours , we choose our path , i choosed my path to be this way . And so it will .

Being able to know tat thr are ppl hu loves me so much before , i know im blessed . Being aable to know such an innocent gal was my dream . Dreaming abt it all day till it finally came through but things still cant be perfect as i wanted it to be . Maybe i didnt plan all things out properly ba , maybe jus one mistake can make ppl regret their whole life ba . I have regreted treating those two like tat , i should have been more poilet , more gentle , more wad-so-eva tat will make them happy . If this time i realli kena i will realli be happy enough , coz i realli hate this lil world of selfish-ness , hatred ,vengence and even sometimes love .

Though im to numb , sick , tired and blured in my mind . I think i wont be writing this clearly and properly . I apologise if i did anything and said anything wrong in this post , coz im nt thinking clearly nw . How i wish i have the guts to jus die off but too bad i dun . I-ma BURDEN (: